No better way to start the week than a lovely feeling of rejected- and unwantedness. ‘Twas fun while it lasted I suppose, but me ever actually being happy for once and finding someone to enjoy life with for a while — it was too good to be true after all. Won’t bother with all the details, just the whole “I like you as a friend” thing (how unexpected), guess that sums it all up nicely. Now I probably sound awfully bitter, she’s a great girl and all that, and it’s not exactly her fault, it’s just rather frustrating that’s all. It’s gonna be hard to just be friends and act all happy-like, when all I can probably think about if we spent time together is how I’d like to rip her clothes off. Not really sure how that’s gonna work out too good.

I really do hate writing these feeling-sorry-for-yourself type of things, but I shall do so anyway, as the only thing I can keep thinking about is how it’ll probably be another 23 years until the next time I’ll get a chance to experience something like this again.

My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer some time last year, and it was uncertain how long he’d have to live, it could have been weeks, months, whatever. He seemed pretty good for quite a few months, but this summer he started to slowly deteriorate and getting weaker and weaker. The last few weeks it got even more serious, and it became apparent that he wouldn’t have much time left now. Even so, it didn’t seem as imminent as it turned out to be. On Monday morning my parents went to the hospital because of some trouble, but I still didn’t expect to get a phone call from my mom only a few hours later that I should come down and that he was indeed on his way to die. By the time I got there he wasn’t conscious, and he was just lying there with an empty look in his eyes while you could see his chest rise up and down with his breath, almost like his body was just doing it automatically trying to keep on going for a bit longer. It became quite emotional being there and seeing him like that, knowing he could die at any moment. I’ve never cried as much as I did through-out that day. Spent quite a few hours at the hospital with the closest family members visiting as well. Eventually I went home for a bit to try and get some sleep as I had been up well over 24 hours by that time. I took a shower and went to sleep, only to be awakened an hour later without really getting any rest at all, with my uncle telling me that I should really come down again by now. Before I had gotten back he was already dead. I don’t really know what more to write about it all, everything still seems rather strange. Worst day in my life to put it short.

Been a strange few weeks, I’ve had the best day of my life, along with my worst. Guess it’s like they say, take the bad with the good. Only now it seems that the good part has a possibility of becoming shattered as well. My hopes for something more happening with Tina took a rather severe blow yesterday, and I’m not sure what will happen next. It’s hard to try and stay positive about everything right now, but I guess I have to.